prayer?

I have found that its a hard thing to pray. It's an odd concept because I look at my day and realize that I am in communication with God all day long. But I think that is a different kind of communication. Not the kind of prayer that I am having a hard time doing. I'm talking about finding the time to actively seek out a one on one talk with God. Just you and God. Me and God. God and me? Hmm, my grammar sometimes lacks when I am writing thoughts. Anyways. The other day I had an extremely stressful day and I was just dealing with a lot of garbage. And the more and more I got bogged down, the less and less I had a desire to seek after God in prayer. As the day progressed and the stress piled up, it was almost as if I had put up a barrier between me and God. And there was. And there is. This wall. This unspoken, almost un-recognizable disconnect that was cutting off the one thing that I needed to survive... God's love. God's peace. His patience. God.

One of the hardest things to do while living in America is to feel like I need God. I almost have to place myself in situations where I am cut off from the amenities of life so that I become aware of my basic need for God. There are days where I feel like I want to cut myself off from the world in hopes that I might somehow get desperate for God by default. It is truly painful to know that I need something and will be empty without it, but be so numb to it all to do anything about it. Some people say that there are some emotions that are just too powerful for human's to endure. I personally feel that the absense of emotion is the worst "feeling" of all. It's almost like I want to say "give me something. I don't care if its pain... I just want to feel again." Numbness. Dang I hate that. We weren't designed for that. There are many things that we weren't designed for.